Tirtha in Prison Green

Almost imperceptibly you hold a feeling of being immersed. Swimming down and down into the vast emerald sea. The green. Some you sense as shadowy and dark, while other bits seem to float past as light and vibrant. Still others feel pale while their centers pulsate, alive, electric. Green. Everything around and within you becomes part of the tapestry, interwoven into the green. Floating now, you imagine broad, fat, expansive leaves. Cool sharp emerald shards.

More than just color, it holds a feeling. Relief, and healing. An awareness of transformation and growth. The color brings its scent and message of well being. Green. Coming in waves, cascading each over the other. Each wave disappearing into the next - the wall of green surrounds and entraps you. Inside the soft fury you float, then swimming to the top. The green transforms into a gentle breeze, coming from between the trees and into the thickets of solid green, away from the rain that falls green within this new, green world.

Your memories slide away just as you awaken, brought back by the sound of peacocks rustling on the roof above you. You think to lie still for a moment more but quite automatically your body folds upward. Composing yourself for three beats of your heart you touch your head to the floor- obeisances to Sri guru. Coming to your feet you begin to pick up the threads of the previous day. Krsna, Krsna, then stoop low to scoop up and fold your simple bedding. All things have their meaning, yet some hold more sway, more import. Your focus sharpens as you remember the tasks you will likely meet today. Sri Krsna Caitanya. You slide into your shower shoes, gather your shampoo, soap and towel. Prabhu Nityananda, you step into the warm stream of water. Sri Advaita Gadadhara, you remember back to when you only ever took cold showers. Now cold water will hold your arthritic body in the crippling vice of agony for hours afterward. Srivasadi-gaura bhakta-vrnda, you are out and toweling off, then dressing in fresh, clean cotton garments that lie neatly folded on a small table near your work station, where later, you will spend much of your day. It is almost 2:30 a.m. Plenty of time remaining for 16 attentive, heartfelt rounds of japa.

You open the door to step out of your small cabin. The smell of night blooming jasmine punctuates the air, reminding you of the fragrance at the hem of Radha's sari and how this fragrance somehow captivates Krsna's mind. You quicken your pace, anticipating meeting other devotees already in the temple room. The day will surely bring what it will, and for now you give your complete focus to the sound vibration of the holy name.

Entering the temple room you offer your obeisances to guru, Krsna and the assembled devotees. Your japa mala beads feel like glass as they glide between your fingers. You are searching within the green of one of Vrindaban's forests, exuberant in your anticipation to see Radha and Krsna, knowing They have passed this way before. Your chanting sustains you now, just as a mother's breast nurtures and gives solace to a new born child. You are thinking only of your chanting and small glimpses of your presence in serving the devotees, each in their turn serving yet other devotees, serving and serving up to those devotees who serve the devotees at Radha and Krsna's feet. In this your place is secure and you derive an indescribable sweetness just from the thought of such fortunate service. Your japa feels like a great symphony in your mind, the sway and pulse of each thought around you only for the service of Krsna and His devotees. This is the Vaikuntha realm here on earth. Spiritual love and satisfaction that has left all traces of material anxiety far away.

The holy name rolls off of your tongue and lips, the anticipation in your heart grows. You see the Vaisnavas before you as great saints, ever reminding you of your service to Nama Prabhu. The sound of japa fills the temple room with a sweetness coming directly from the spiritual world. By what miracle have you come to be in such company as this? You think your good fortune to be incalculable.

You are deeply relaxed yet ever alert. Your heart beat and breath merge into the cadence of your japa. The sincerity of your effort in service brings you a glimpse of your security in knowing only the shelter of Krsna's lotus feet, trnad-api su-nicena. Small and insignificant, yet blazing brilliantly like the sun. Your place among the Vaisnava servants of the Lord.

You are bathed in the unlimited mercy of your beloved guru and the Supreme Lord. A sense of profound gratitude decorates your heart with roses of love. Anarthas leave like crows from an approaching storm. Your japa increases in purity and power. Each day your eyes open further, first only glimpsing, then drinking in the reality that unfolds all around you. Stepping out from the pale shadow; into the brightness of your true self.

Your worthless servant,
Tirtha dasa