Tirtha in Prison Attaining Courage of Control

In the book, "Nectar of Devotion," chapter 19, Srila Prabhupada explains, "When one's desire to love Krsna in his particular relationship becomes intensified, this is known as pure love of Godhead. In the beginning a devotee is engaged in the regulative principles of devotional service by the order of his spiritual master. When one thereby becomes completely purified of all material contamination, there develops an attachment and taste for devotional service. This taste and attachment, when gradually intensified in the course of time, becomes love. The word "love" can only be actually applied in relationship with the Personality of Godhead. In the material world, love is not applicable at all. What goes on under the name of love is nothing but lust. There is a gulf of difference between love and lust, like the difference between iron and gold..."

In truth, we do not have any experience of love in our conditioned state within the material world. Perhaps the closest feeling of honest love is that of a mother for her newborn child. She is thinking, "I must supply everything for him. Otherwise he will perish." She has no ulterior motive for herself. Her thoughts are only for her child.

As sentient beings it is only natural for us to seek harmony within and through our different relationships. Some people, unable to readily relate or connect with other people, may keep a particular pet they become fond of, pampering it, even talking to it. Such a desire for communion with others, even when repressed, will manifest in various ways.

The desire for communion within a relationship is especially true with regard to the interplay between the sexes, man and woman. The man wishes to please the woman, she in her turn wishes to please him.

The desire to serve and please another is a natural part of our existence. However, not all express emotion necessarily involves sex in the form of genital stimulation. Often the exchanges and interchanges occur more subtly, as on the mental platform.

The problem with prison life is that because it is a completely unnatural, artificial environment, much of the emotional interplay and exchange, especially between the sexes, is disallowed. The natural, free exchange one might otherwise realize, never happens.

The fact is, even within so-called "free" society, most people do not understand the proper context and healthy interplay with regard to friendship, affection and sex. Often people mistakenly equate sexual union with love, or simply as an anatomical urge that must somehow be satisfied through genital stimulation. Indeed, much of the current available literature seems to promote the idea the sexual release is no more than a physical reaction to stimuli.

On one level this is exactly what takes place. For example, a man sees some advertisement on television and allows his mind to carry him across the threshold into sexual stimulation. Following his mental urges, he chooses to act out his prompting on the physical plane in one of several ways. But for prisoners, the main physical release for such stimulation is in the form of masturbation.

While the act itself is performed as a physical reaction, the emotional side, the desire for emotional fulfillment remains empty, unfulfilled. Often times a person will imagine being with a former lover or some other beautiful woman or man. However, this abstract reflection exists only within the realm of fantasy. It cannot satisfy one's need or feeling for emotional fulfillment in any tangible sense.

In this context then, masturbation can be viewed as unnatural, since it only supplies or accounts for one portion of the necessary components required for complete fulfillment. Even if someone thinks, "I'm only having sex, I don't really love or like this other person," as in the case of visiting a prostitute, the same form of emotional starvation occurs.

In the case of purely hedonistic pursuits, where the only objective is to satisfy the urges of the senses, the uncontrolled senses continually push the person, unsatiated, always desiring more and more. Sex only leads to more sex, seeming without end. Unfortunately, our bodies were not designed with unlimited sex in mind.

Because most of us have it wrong when it comes to sex, we mistakenly equate our emotions with sexual genital stimulation. If we watch television this mistaken concept is constantly reinforced. Somehow, we must learn to separate our emotions from genital stimulation.

We cannot deny our sexuality any more than we can deny our existence. What we can do is learn to properly channel our complete energies in a healthy, beneficial manner.

Just as men and women can't expect their marriage to last if based wholly on genital stimulation, neither can persons in prison become whole persons if they remain caught up in the short circuiting process of masturbation.

A form of "shortcircuiting" is essentially what takes place when one masturbates. While we may achieve a temporary physical release, feeling some momentary pleasure and relief, in truth we only dig our emotional debt a little deeper each time we do this.

As spiritual seekers the idea is to transform our lust into love. In the material world everything is twisted and perverted, a mere reflection of reality. Our conditioning and past relationships likely only reinforced the idea that love is expressed through gross stimulation. Even the term, "love making" suggests that love can be found in lust.

In the Krsna conscious marriage sex is permitted between a man and woman for the purpose of procreation. Keeping Krsna in the center of the relationship, sexual union becomes a sanctified spiritual sacrifice. The intention to bring forth a Krsna conscious child. The pleasure that occurs during this union happens automatically. Certainly it can be enjoyed as such. It need not be negated or repressed. To what good end would such provide? Taken in its entirety, the emotional, spiritual and sexual components comprise one aspect of a healthy relationship between a married couple.

The problem arises when people forget or repress the spiritual and emotional aspects of sexual union. If we think it is meant solely for our pleasure, then vie are misled. Everything we do must be for the ultimate pleasure of Sri Krsna.

Some may wonder how the example of a married couple in Krsna consciousness relates to one's situation in prison, especially if that person is serving, in effect, a life sentence or longer. It is because the proper context is presented we can compare our own actions and activities to the norm.

The Krsna conscious philosophy doesn't say sex is dirty. Nor does it condone promiscuity. Regulation and control are always required. This regulation and control are what separate us from the animal species.

For my part, having embraced the concept of celibacy, the prison atmosphere presented fewer obstacles. However, even within the celibate realm, sexuality has to be addressed. Our desires must be controlled and properly channeled, not simply repressed and negated.

In one sense, celibacy denotes the willingness to be less possessive. It follows if we are less self centered, we can devote more of our energies to higher, spiritual pursuits. Still, if the mind becomes unsettled, the path can become very difficult.

For starters we have to access our situation realistically. If we watch television and become unduly agitated, this will only add to our difficulty. Likewise, engaging in frivolous talk about sexual matters, or even listening passively, can have a detrimental effect on our consciousness. To the extent we can insulate ourselves from obvious sources of agitation, the easier our progress will be. Above all, if we remain focused on the positive process of always chanting Hare Krsna, we will more easily transcend the urges of the body, mind and genitals.

Controlling our senses begins with accepting regulation. If masturbation is an issue with you it needs to be properly addressed. It likely will not be possible to quit abruptly. Begin by limiting the frequency. If you find yourself engaging in this activity more than once a week, be determined to limit yourself to once per week. That denotes a positive step toward gaining control of your emotional and physical urges. Continue chanting and praying. Then push back again and limit yourself to once every other week. Continue on in this way as you increasingly limit such activity. One month, two months, and so on.

Continue to chant, pray and read Krsna conscious literature. This will serve to make you stronger. If you have a sincere desire to follow all of the regulative principles, Krsna will always find a way to assist you.

Once a devotee actually achieves a higher taste, he/she will automatically forego lesser indulgences. The difficulty is that in the interim period, we are beset with so many urges and temptations. Therefore a degree of faith is required. Be determined that if you fight the good fight, Krsna will give you the necessary strength.

Even if you seem to fail on your first few attempts, do not give up. It is understood that material conditioning is deeply ingrained within us. Have faith in the counsel of the devotees and Srila Prabhupada's books. Understand that Krsna is fully present in His holy names. Act with courage and determination, knowing that Krsna will soon deliver you.

Your worthless servant,
Tirtha dasa